My employees started talking about salary recently. To make things more fair, we decided to eliminate salary. Baseline performance is considered 50 hours, bonuses are paid for work done above baseline. When you add in ass-kiss multipliers and rat-out-poor-performers multipliers, most employees, er... contractors, can now potentially earn up to 101% of their old salary for only 90 hours of work a week. On a related note, I paid myself a $10m bonus for finding away to eliminate 95% of our health insurance costs.
We hired someone with ZERO experience. We thought he would be a great fit with our culture so we took a chance. He didn't. We didn't train him. We're a pyramid scheme company, not a god damn charity. He has since been fired twice. The first time our HR screwed up on the paperwork. Sometimes people just need a chance. Agree? #circlejerk
THAT Secretary 💋 • 10-6-21
Keep this in your pocket for a quick escape from meetings, being cornered by overeager interns in the hallway, and all other awkward situations.
People claim to have seen an UFO in Europe. False, ALL aliens must first visit USA, that is what school has taught me. Or maybe movies. Lol IDK I wasn’t paying attention because I WAS BUSY MAKING MONEY. WHAT’S YOUR EXCUSE?
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For appreciation day, I was given a bottle of toe spit. I do not know what this is, why it's gray, or how one would even acquire such a vial. I do know that it will remain in my care for eternity. Because I hustle. And to those who don't understand the relationship...