The cutting edge of business.

Tech The 5 Best Swords for CEOs in 2022

By Cleave Bixby

The cutting edge of business.

The modern business landscape is shifting constantly. The advent of artificial intelligence and machine learning is transforming efficiency, the cultural importance of data security and privacy is making consumer priorities known, and so much more! Naturally, how the C-suite operates is adjusted accordingly, and in this coming year, you’ll start to notice some palpable changes in the business world. 

Of course, just like technology or office culture, executive armaments are not immune to change, and 2022 is already shaping up to be a year of massive transformation in terms of how CEOs enforce policies and command respect through acrobatic displays of swordsmanship. Manufacturing processes for blades, cultural preferences (note the rise in European-style short swords following Game of Thrones’ popularity), tariffs on both steel and ornamental gemstones for decorative hilts and scabbards, and the unfortunate #MacesOut and #AxeTheAxes scandals are all likely to be reasons why 2022 is going to be the biggest year for CEO swords, especially radical new styles, in recent history. With that said, here are our predictions for the top 5 CEO swords this year:

1) Egyptian Khopesh

The news isn’t good for CEOs that favor axes. Now that interest rates on 10-year treasury bonds are falling past those of 3-month bonds, axe owners—this includes hatchet, tomahawk, and battleaxe owners—are starting to panic. The natural reaction, of course, will be a mass diaspora to the Khopesh, a sickle-sword that actually evolved from battle axes. The similar weight distribution should make the switch over from axes relatively easy—though CEOs will have to adjust their weapon-spinning tactics to account for the vastly different handle-blade ratio.

2) Bastard sword

A longtime favorite of Jack Welch, famed CEO of GE, this blade perfectly embodies the resurgent utilitarian approach to being a CEO (in which employees are recognized more as objects than people to improve efficiency). Of course, it has gone in and out of fashion (as all euro-swords tend to do), but has maintained a devoted following of star executives throughout: The aforementioned Jack Welch, GloboCorp CEO Sandra Tander, Multinational Holdings and Steelworks LLC President Michael Quimmen, and, of course, Arby’s CEO and co-founder Ruster Butley “RB” D’Antangelo.

3) Okinawan Wakizashi

We all remember 2008’s recession. However horrible (those poor banks!), the companies that survived often emerged as stronger, leaner contenders—with optimized workflows, balanced metric channels, and triple axel rotations. That culture of stripped down dynamism is back in a big, little way with the Wakizashi. Typically, these played second fiddle to Katanas on a samurai tool belt—but savvy CEOs are noting the benefits of a smaller 12-inch blade that easily be concealed and then quickly drawn at anything from shareholder presentations, to insider trading court dates, to public press conferences. Fans of o-wakizashis and katanas are converting in droves after growing tired of hesitant investors spotting the large blades early enough to avoid fatal blows. Okinawan Wakizashis, in particular, often feature intricately carved tsubas and more old-fashioned, Edo Period koshirae, making for a truly magisterial blade.

4) Andalusian Navaja

More fighting knife than sword, the Andalusian Navaja offers a more precise tool for CEOs that prefer to operate in a behind-the-scenes fashion. Given it’s foldability, the Navaj offers far more conealability than even the Wakizashi. However, this comes at a cost. The Navaja, while great for sly swordsmanship—say, a quick draw following a weak handshake at a conference, or a surprise visit from HR and Security following that one joke you made—simply falls short in an exhibitionist setting. CEOs that are known for their personal brand won’t find much in terms of performative sword spinning with a Navaja in their pocket. Naturally, startups, companies mid-rebrand, and companies courting investors will want to err on the flashier side for their sword choices.

5) Any bayonet affixed to a big gun

What’s really good about this one, is that you can shoot the gun too. It’s much more effective than swords, to be honest.