Brenda “Funnel Enhancer” Aquariasmus
964 Grimbo Ave. • ShlinkedIn.com
Summary
Innovation Engineer with 6 toes and 15 days of experience. #AgeismInTheWorkplace
Work Experience
Virgin (Not the company)
A Mouse in A Chef’s Hat
• Helped escalate customer service tickets to Chief Escalation Officer who then routes them to reps for further escalation.
UTI
Water Cooler Lurker
• Helped train staff on proper handshake techniques.
Smith-Takametsu Co.
Pet Dog
• Definitely didn’t do any illegal stuff here.
Education
BS from Hogwarts School of Business
Major: Numbers
GPA: 2.0
Hobbies
teaching Jeff Bezos how to read, sharing my cool idea for a personal computation device with my friend young Bill Gates
References
a hard-boiled private detective
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