Early Riser Chief Legend
716 Small Rain Gutter Ln. • ShlinkedIn.com
Summary
Medium-motivated Entrepreneur with a half-full can of fresca and 1 picoseconds of experience. #GrundlePlay
Work Experience
Secret Government Lab
Champion of Excellence
• Optimized SEO for top 10 business tips near you
Mid-sized Music Venue
Champion of Excellence
• Honestly I’m still not sure what this company did but they kept paying me and telling me to ‘keep quiet’
BP
Head Copywriter
• Used SQL to find out whose pictures my ex has been liking on Instagram.
Education
BS from Wesleyan University
Major: Minor
GPA: 0.4
Hobbies
admiring my library of classic literature, dancing with the stars
References
a boy scout
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