Early Riser Chief Legend

716 Small Rain Gutter Ln. • ShlinkedIn.com 

Medium-motivated Entrepreneur with a half-full can of fresca and 1 picoseconds of experience. #GrundlePlay

Work Experience

Secret Government Lab

Champion of Excellence

• Optimized SEO for top 10 business tips near you

Mid-sized Music Venue

Champion of Excellence

• Honestly I’m still not sure what this company did but they kept paying me and telling me to ‘keep quiet’


Head Copywriter

• Used SQL to find out whose pictures my ex has been liking on Instagram.


BS from Wesleyan University

Major: Minor

GPA: 0.4


admiring my library of classic literature, dancing with the stars


a boy scout

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