Lunk Johnson



6877 Businessman Pl. • ShlinkedIn.com 
Summary

Crotchety Hustler with a rash that doctors have described as both ‘persistent’ and ‘very offputting’ and 1 minutes of experience. #ThoughtLeadership #BusinessHacks #ConsensualChoking

Work Experience

Satan’s Personal Assistant

Richard Branson’s Cousin Dave

• Optimized SEO for top 10 business tips near you

In.Optimize

COO

• Organized logistics for the supply chain or something

Jamba Juice

Big Cheese

• Analyzed portfolios using my portfolio analysis skillset

Education

BS from The Sorbonne

Major: Words and things

GPA: 1.1

Hobbies

admiring my library of classic literature, teaching Jeff Bezos how to read

References

a mysterious nomad

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