Office Spider
62 Tie Square • ShlinkedIn.com
Summary
Financial Problem Solver with a full belly and 15 days of experience. #SpicyTakes #Memes
Work Experience
ShlinkedIn Central Bank
Tickler
• [for later: make up some bullshit about my cold-calling job]
Smith-Takametsu Co.
Account Executive
• Helped automate work process by pretending to learn HTML but actually outsourced it to a Latvian engineer named Juris. Great guy. Wait no—I actually coded ignore that.
Axcalibur ltd.
Sort of like a sidekick
• Mostly in charge of styling hair, but also did some nail clipping and backrubs.
Education
BS from Astral Planes University
Major: English
GPA: 2.4
Hobbies
juggling to entertain orphan veterans, dancing with the stars
References
Mr. Potatohead from the beloved Toy Story franchise
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